Cold Creek Manor (2003) Reviews

• Cold Creaky Manor

  Poseidon-32004-09-21

  Many audience members of this thriller were disappointed (mostly thanks to the misleading trailer for the film) because it lacked the supernatural element they thought would be present. They needn't have complained. The film is complete science fiction because not one character in the entire thing remotely behaves like a human being! Quaid and Stone play an NYC couple with high-end careers and two mouthy, spoiled kids who, after one of the children is nearly creamed by an SUV, decide to pack up and move to the country. They find a huge, dilapidated house that is exceedingly reasonable in price (this part of the movie has been done over and over in the cinema from "Burnt Offerings" to "The Watcher in the Woods" et al.) Before they have completely unloaded all the debris from the previous owner (who was foreclosed upon during a jail sentence for manslaughter), the owner (Dorff) shows up and begins to encroach on the desired peacefulness of the family. Quaid hires him to refurbish the swimming pool and before long, Dorff has decided to do almost anything to rid the house of the new owners. The rest of the film deals with the battle of wills between Quaid and his family and Dorff while Quaid seeks to find out why Dorff is so bent on driving them out. Even if Dorff got the family to leave, the property would still not be his legally and he is clearly in no position to buy it back, so even the basic premise of the story lacks solidity. That's the least of the problems, though. Throughout the film, everyone in it acts like a complete idiot. Quaid (in a surprisingly emasculated role, not that that's entirely a bad thing) makes so many stupid decisions at every turn. He does appear handsome and tan in the film, but his character is pretty dim. Stone overacts horrendously. Noted for her cool, chilly roles in films like "Sliver", "Intersection" and "Basic Instinct", here she is a hopelessly edgy bundle of nerves who squeals and screams every time anything unexpected happens like someone coming to the door or coming out of the water and having someone at the edge of the pool! This is apparently a lame attempt to have some "frightening" clips to stick in the trailer so that people wouldn't know that the film is actually a lengthy struggle between a family and a bum and not a haunted house chiller. Dorff does succeed with the impossible. He creates a character who is unbalanced and threatening and vulgar, yet also sexy and even sympathetic to a point. His is the most interesting work in the film, though his character is pitifully underdeveloped. Other cast members include a well-cast Lewis as a sleazy, boozy tramp, Eskelson as the planet's most useless Sheriff and Plummer, who steals scenes lying down and nearly comatose, as Dorff's craggy, cruel father. Without question, one of the fall-down funniest scenes in the film is meant to be one of the scariest. Ridiculously, each member of the household comes into contact simultaneously with a different terrifying snake (at the precise same time!) They then proceed to bounce through the house like pinballs, screaming at everything and nothing and over emoting to the point of true hilarity as they encounter snake after snake. This scene alone guarantees the film a spot in bad movie heaven. Many other senseless and unintentionally funny moments happen during the "scary" parts. Another horrible aspect of the film is the annoying and inappropriate musical score which, amazingly, was written by the director! He undermines his own film's suspense and tension with such dreadfully bad (and badly timed) music cues. The film is unbelievably illogical and bad in more ways than there is time to detail, but it is watchable, especially if one is in the mood to laugh rather than cower.

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• OK but not that good

  KP-Nuts2005-02-25

  OK we've all seen this type of film before, family leave problems and life in the city for a new start in the country only to find far greater and real problems than those they left behind. Unfortunately it's just not done particularly well in this movie. It starts well and gives the impression it will lead into some kind of haunted mansion movie once the family arrive at their new home. However, what happens is far less exciting. Quaid gives another solid but unremarkable performance, Dorff is passable but his character never seems as threatening as he should be, Lewis plays the kind of role she seems to fit like a glove. The one thing I realised from this film is Sharon Stone has no impact or presence on the screen at all, I mean she had an impact on me when I was 15 and first saw Basic Instinct, but hey. She is one of the few actresses I would actually advise to only accept films with nudity scenes involved. The direction is only apt, you feel there is meant to be some kind of attraction or sexual tension between Dorff's and Stone's character but whether due to the fault of the Director or actors it does not work at all. It is also at times very predictable, which is not a good factor for a thriller. The film does have it's redeeming features, it does at least keep you interested enough to follow through to the climax just to see what happens. It is one though you will not be revisiting soon again.

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• Amazing how the major league critics can crush a good flick!

  AlternateViewpoint2004-04-10

  I've seen way flakier movies that were smash hits. Most Hollywood thrillers & action movies have to be viewed with a willing suspension of disbelief anyhow. People do things they'd never do in real life. They ask stupid questions & accept answers that no one with a high school education and an IQ in even low triple digits would accept in real life. They walk away from falls, car crashes and burning buildings that would kill real human beings. They *split up* to look for the ghost/axe murder/evil demon! So, what's wrong with this one? I got involved. I got tense. I was on the edge of my seat. I liked it. The tension was built up without any reference to gory scenes, just creepy camera angles, shadows, the wind blowing curtains, the increasing feeling that Something Really Bad was just around the corner. You get to see Sharon Stone looking almost like an ordinary human being. Dennis Quaid is his usual edgy self. Stephen Dorff does a great slide into madness. If I'd believed everything I read about it, I never would've picked up the DVD. It's not Hitchcock, but it's definitely worth watching. Check it out.

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• Not the sharpest tools in the box

  alphonsia2005-05-09

  It's 4:30 a.m. Top executive Mom groans, thumps off the alarm and staggers out of bed. She's got an early morning flight. Respected film-maker Dad mumbles, "Remember to reset the clock." She doesn't, of course. It's 7:56 a.m. Dad squints at the clock, hollers, "Oh, s**t! Kids, up, up, up, up!," followed by, "We're late. Your mother forgot to reset the alarm. Again!," as he slams together that staple of popular cinema, the breakfast no-one has time to eat. It's never occurred to either of these Movers and Shakers to buy a second clock. Their alarm-challenged children clatter downstairs, the daughter whining, "Ohmigod, it's late. I have to be at school early today!" Buy an alarm clock, kid. Better yet, read the little book that comes with your beloved mobile phone and see if it has an alarm function. After hanging Mom for the clock fiasco, Dad decides "the city" is to blame for all their woes. The Green Acres Four treat themselves to an unauthorised viewing of a crumbling country estate that's been foreclosed by the bank. The house is furnished. There's an unmade bed. Yet they roam freely, snooping through family photos and papers. They buy The Old Massie Place at a knockdown price. Dad's inspired to create one of his "labour of love" documentaries. This consists of "creating a time-line" (i.e., skewering vintage photographs with thumbtacks) and having a goggle at some highly personal Polaroids of the previous owner's wife. Out of "miles" of home movie footage, a poolside scene featuring this attractive young woman and her daughter in bikinis seems to be especially pertinent. When "Just Out of Jail" Dale Massie shows up looking for work, Dad ignores the protests of his vulnerable teenage daughter and hires the guy for unsupervised work around the house. This is even stupider than the alarm clock situation. The only vaguely plausible reason Dad could have for inviting this guy into the family home is to help with the documentary. Dale's brimming with family anecdotes ("my grandmother built that pool in 1926"), but Dad acts bored and exasperated when he's around. In a classic scene, Dad's tinkering about on his laptop with archive footage of NYC. Since his budget to too low to hire voice-over talent, his own voice is droning on about cast-iron architecture. Wielding one of the farm implements Dad doesn't have a clue about, shirtless, sweaty Dale explains that it's a killing hammer, designed by Grandpa Massie and his blacksmith. Articulate, informative and sleazily attractive, he winds up his narrative with, "Look at the spike. Straight into the brain. A small little clean hole right through the skull. Bam! No bone splinters. No pain." Grab your camera, Dad! This is Good Stuff! But no, Dad can't wait for Dale to hightail it out of the house so he can go back to making The Most Boring Documentary in the World. Throw in Dead Meat the Pony and Mobiles Don't Work in the Valley, and you've got all the ingredients for a nice long snooze. Don't forget to set the alarm.

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• Could have been a decent film

  m-vaskes2010-04-04

  I was actually pleased with the film in the beginning. Because of the low rating and poor reviews I was expecting something quite bad, but I hoped that it might be entertaining nonetheless. Well, I was wrong with both my assumptions. The acting is nothing remarkable, but it isn't irritating either. The directing is not bad. One could expect at least that, after all the film's director is Mike Figgis, who also directed Leaving Las Vegas. On the other hand, so far Figgis has not managed to achieve the success of Leaving Las Vegas with any of his other films and Cold Creek Manor is no exception. It is actually worse than most of his other attempts. On the good side - I thought the film was going to be quite cheesy and/or over the top, but the storytelling and photography are decent and unostentatious. However, the film has one major flaw: while it is not told in such a bad way, the story itself is simply stupid. It actually manages to avoid some clichés, though all themes and models are well known and have been told hundreds of times already. The real problem is that it is just plain boring. I don't mind slow paced films, as long as there is something to be told. But that's not the case with Cold Creek Manor. It is neither thrilling, nor frightening and is absolutely unengaging. And the ending (the "geronimo" moment in particular) is ridiculous. I wouldn't recommend that film, it is simply boring (or at least unremarkable) on all levels.

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